What’s it been over a decade?
It still smarts like it was four minutes ago
We only influenced each other totally
We only bruised each other even more so

What are you my blood?
You touch me like you are my blood
What are you my dad?
You affect me like you are my dad

How long can a girl be shackled to you?
How long before my dignity is reclaimed?
How long can a girl stay haunted by you?
Soon I’ll grow up and I won’t even flinch at your name
Soon I’ll grow up and I won’t even flinch at your name

Where’ve you been? I heard you moved to my city
My brother saw you somewhere downtown
I’d be paralyzed if I ran into you
My tongue would seize up if we were to meet again

What are you my god?
You touch me like you are my god
What are you my twin?
You affect me like you are my twin

How long can a girl be tortured by you?
How long before my dignity is reclaimed?
And how long can a girl be haunted by you?
Soon I’ll grow up and I won’t even flinch at your name
Soon I’ll grow up and I won’t even flinch at your name

So here I am, one room away from where I know you’re standing
A well-intentioned man told me you just walked in
This man knows not of how this information has affected me
But he knows the color of the car I just drove away in

What are you my kin?
You touch me like you are my kin
What are you my air?
You affect me like you are my air

How long can a girl be tortured by you?
And how long before my dignity is reclaimed?
And how long can a girl be haunted by you?
Soon I’ll grow up and I won’t even flinch at your name
Soon I’ll grow up and I won’t even flinch at your name

I won’t see my dear friends as much
Male friends especially, I’ll no longer be in touch
I’ll change my hobbies to match yours
I’ll stop reading my favorite books
I won’t spend all this selfish time alone
I’ll cater to you and hang on your every word

I’ll be subservient and spineless
I’ll lick your boots as empty shell
I’ll be opinion-less and silent
I’ll be the prettiest appendage to ever lose herself

I’ll re-define self-sacrifice
Live my life as apologetic compromise
I’ll know you’d leave if I rock the boat

I’ll be subservient and spineless
I’ll lick your boots as empty shell
I’ll be opinion-less and silent
I’ll be the prettiest appendage to ever lose herself

I feel this, truly proclaimed, will help the curbing of this tendency
I know this sharing of shame will ensure that I won’t forget myself so easily

I’ll be low maintenance and agreeable
I will not talk about my dreams so much
I’ll listen to you for hours, won’t need anything

I’ll be subservient and spineless
I’ll lick your boots as empty shell
I’ll be opinion-less and silent
I’ll be the prettiest appendage to ever lose herself

I’ll be subservient and spineless
I’ll lick your boots as empty shell
I’ll be opinion-less and silent
I’ll be the prettiest appendage to ever lose herself

I feel this, truly proclaimed, will help the curbing of this tendency
I know this sharing of shame will ensure that I won’t forget myself
I feel this, truly proclaimed, will help the curbing of this tendency
I know this sharing of shame will ensure that I won’t forget myself so easily

Fourteen years,
Thirty minutes,
Fifteen seconds I’ve
Held this grudge

Eleven songs
Four full journals
Thoughts of punishment
I’ve expended

Not in contact
Not a letter
Such communication
Telepathic
You’ve been vilified,
Used as fodder
You deserve a piece
Of every record

But who’s it hurting now?
Who’s the one that’s stuck?
Who’s it torturing now
With an antique knot in her stomach?

I want to be big and let go
Of this grudge that’s grown old
All this time I’ve not known
How to rest this bygone
I wanna be soft and resolved
Clean of slate and released
I wanna forgive for the both of us

Like an abandoned house
Dusty covered
Furniture
Still intact
If I visit it now
Will I simply re-live it?
Somehow gratuitous

But who’s still aching now?
Who’s tired of her own voice?
Who is it weighing down
With no gift from time of said healing

I want to be big and let go
Of this grudge that’s grown old
All this time I’ve not known
How to rest this bygone
I wanna be soft and resolved
Clean of slate and released
I wanna forgive for the both of us

Maybe as I cut the cord
Veils will lift from my eyes
Maybe as I lay this to rest
Dead weight off my shoulders will rise

Here I sit
Much determined
Ever ill-equipped
To draw this curtain
How this has entertained
Validated
And has served me well
Ever the victim

But who’s done whining now?
Who’s ready to put down
This load I’ve carried
Longer than I had cared to remember?

I want to be big and let go
Of this grudge that’s grown old
For the life of me I’ve not known
How to rest this bygone
I wanna be soft and resolved
Clean of slate and released
I wanna forgive for the both of us.

I want to be big and let go
Of this grudge that’s grown old
For the life of me I’ve not known
How to rest this bygone
I wanna be soft and resolved
Clean of slate and released
I wanna forgive for the both of us.