I’m a man of reason, and they say
“‘Tis the season to be jolly”
But it’s folly when you volley for position

Never in existence
Has there been such a resistance
To ideas meant to free us
If you could see us, then you’d listen

Toiling through the ages,
Making toys on garnished wages
There’s no union
We’re only through when we outdo the competition

I make toys,
But I’ve got aspirations
Make some noise,
Use your imagination
Girls and boys, before you wish for what you wish for
There’s a list for
Who’s been naughty or nice,
But consider the price to an elf

A full indentured servitude
Can reflect on one’s attitude
But that silly red hat just makes the fat man look outrageous

Absurd though it may seem,
You know, I’ve heard there’s even been
Illegal doping
And though we’re coping,
I just hope it’s not contagious

You try to start a movement,
And you think you see improvement
But when thrown into the moment,
We just don’t seem so courageous

I make toys,
But I’ve got aspirations
Make some noise,
Use your imagination
Girls and boys, before you wish for what you wish for
There’s a list for
Who’s been naughty or nice,
But consider the price to an elf

You look at yourself
You’re an elf
And the shelf
Is just filled with disappointing memories
Trends come and go,
And your friends wanna know
Why you aren’t just happy
Making crappy little gizmos
Every kid knows
They’ll just throw this stuff away

We’re used to repetition,
So we drew up a petition
We, the undersigned,
Feel undermined
Let’s redefine “employment”

We know that we’ve got leverage,
So we’ll hand the fat man a beverage
And sit back while we attack
The utter lack of our enjoyment

It may be tough to swallow,
But our threats are far from hollow
He may thunder,
But if he blunders,
He may wonder where the toys went

I make toys,
But I’ve got aspirations
Make some noise,
Use your imagination
Girls and boys, before you wish for what you wish for
There’s a list for
Who’s been naughty or nice,
But consider the price
Naughty or nice,
But consider the price
Naughty or nice,
But consider the price to an elf

If I had a million dollars
          if I had a million dollars
I’d buy you a house
          I would buy you a house
And if I had a million dollars
          if I had a million dollars
I’d buy you furniture for your house
          maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman
If I had a million dollars
          if I had a million dollars
I’d buy you a k-car
          a nice reliant automobile
If I had a million dollars, I’d buy your love.

If I had a million dollars,
          I’d build a tree fort in our yard.
If I had a million dollars,
          You could help, it wouldn’t be that hard.
If I had a million dollars,
          Maybe we could put a little tiny fridge in there somewhere.
We could just go up and hang out.
          Like open the fridge and stuff.
          There would be food laid out for us, little pre-wrapped sausages and things.
Mmmmmm.
          They have pre-wrapped sausages but they don’t have pre-wrapped bacon.
Can you blame them?
          Well, yeah!

If I had a million dollars
          if I had a million dollars
I’d buy you a fur coat
          but not a real fur coat that’s cruel
If I had a million dollars
          if I had a million dollars
I’d buy you an exotic pet
          yup, like a llama or an emu
If I had a million dollars
          if I had a million dollars
I’d buy you john merrick’s remains

          ooh all them crazy elephant bones
If I had a million dollars I’d buy your love

If I had a million dollars,
          We wouldn’t have to walk to the store
If I had a million dollars,
          We’d take a limousine ’cause it costs more
If I had a million dollars,
          We wouldn’t have to eat kraft dinner.
But we would eat kraft dinner.
          Well of course we would we’d just eat more.
And buy really expensive ketchups with it
          That’s right all the fanciest ketchup… dijon ketchup! mmmm..

If I had a million dollars
          if I had a million dollars
I’d buy you a green dress
          but not a real green dress that’s cruel
If I had a million dollars
          if I had a million dollars
I’d buy you some art
          a picasso or a garfunkel
If I had a million dollars
          if I had a million dollars
Well I’d buy you a monkey
          haven’t you always wanted a monkey?
If I had a million dollars I’d buy your love

If I had a million dollars,
          if I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars,
          if I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars
I’d be rich.